There is nothing more guaranteed to provoke howls of appreciation and mirth than me throwing a few shapes on the bimini hood of a night time.

I choose my time very carefully… Obviously it has to be dark as it wouldn’t work unless there was a light of some description above me. Inevitably, as it is night-time, my parents and our guests have had a drink or two. Consequently it doesn’t take much to get them all giggling and gasping in fascination at my talent.

This is my 'vacuum cleaner' impression

Oi, you down there...

Look, is anyone watching me or am I wasting my time?

Don't tell Mum or Dad but the top of this bimini is covered in my paw prints. Ooops.

Usually I start by hurling myself at the bimini, making plenty of noise; this makes those of a nervous disposition jump from the shock. Then I proceed to make interesting silhouettes for all to see. My favourites are: “cat as rabbit”, “cat as hand”, “cat as swan” and “cat as hardass m****r f****r from the projects”. I’m perfecting these images and bringing more into my repertoire all the time. I don’t usually do requests, but if the display is going well I’ll try to capture the mood.