You Looking At Me?

It’s been a while since I had a rant but today I’m ill, very tired and have a wet bum, so if you spit tobacco or talk incessantly on your phone on a night-train I’m going to get wound up. And should you stare at me, god-forbid, well…

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Please Stop Watching Me Wee

There’s a difference between a toilet cleaner and a toilet attendant. A toilet cleaner is someone whose job it is to clean toilets. A toilet attendant, however, is different. Their job is to lurk by the entrance to the convenience and guide you through, as if the ‘Toilet This Way’ sign was not obvious enough, and then point you to a cubical or urinal they believe is most suitable for your requirements. They’ll then mill around close by, putting you off going for a wee.

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In India It’s Always The Woman’s Fault

Homepage of the BBC News website today: Indian actress banned from the Kannada Film Producers Association for having an affair with south India’s action hero actor, Darshan. Apparently she has spoiled “the domestic harmony of a fellow actor”.

Of course she has, she’s a woman. It’s always the woman’s fault when a man has an affair behind his wife’s back. Nikhita Thukral should be stoned. In fact she almost was…

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Stand, Sit Or Squat? A Bottomological Dilemma

For those fortunate not to have experienced a squatter toilet, you’re lucky: it’s a combination of yoga, swimming and ****ing through the eye of a needle. But what I don’t understand is how I am supposed to maintain a squatting position without getting cramp. And what is that bucket and jug combo for? I’m unsure. I do have a couple of theories though. Read on…

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Fair Enough – The Shame Of The Indian Beauty Industry

Like most countries Indian TV ads are a pile of crap. Here, though, it is the beauty industry that needs to hold its head in shame. Not only are the ads rubbish, many of them claim to make your skin lighter. We are told this by famous two-dimensional Indian actresses and beautiful, glamorous zombie-like models whose natural skin colour are near-white anyway.

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The Sooner These Miserable Sods Leave, The Better

A number of boats have turned up recently, heading west. Never before have I met such a miserable bunch of sailors. I thought it was just me but this morning a friend of ours who was cleaning her boat asked “What is it about these people?” They simply cannot bring themselves to say ‘hello’.” She is a cheery lady who could make even Scrooge smile. What do you think? Let us know.

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