September 2003

Bad Skippers. A Lesson Learned

• Log

My early sailing career taught me a lot of things about life at sea. Perhaps the biggest lesson was how to get on with fellow crew members. It’s something I’m still learning. Occasionally, however, there are times when one comes across certain types of people whose behaviour is beyond one’s control. No amount of swabbing the decks or slaving in the galley will ever make life easier on board and this can be compounded by a long journey where getting off the boat is not an option.

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Dutch Sailors. Mad.

• Log

After a chat and a beer we got to know the boat and I made the schoolboy error of choosing the smallest bunk in the fore cabin. Twat. My fears of an uncomfortable sleep, however, were dispelled after my first night aboard Voyager.

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Sintra & The Quinta De Regaleira

• Log

My stay in Sintra, however, was topped by a visit to the enchanting Quinta de Regaleira. Although the house was interesting it was the garden that could not fail to impress. Set in large tiers this steep tangle of orchids and large trees was littered with castle turrets and water features, but it was the Initiation Well that really blew me away. The well was over 60 feet deep and wide enough to walk down. Truly this was something out of Tomb Raider as I descended down the well via a stone staircase bordered by large archways.

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Computer Says ‘No’, OK?

• Log

After about 2 minutes he stood up and handed me a leaflet entitled “Throughout the rich history of Portugal, who is the most important discoverer?” As he resumed his crouching position to continue his rummaging I flicked through the leaflet, intrigued to find out who the most important discoverer was. Surely it was Prince Henry the Navigator? No. Was it Pedro Alvares Cabral? Nope. How about Vasco da Gama? No!

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Evora’s Hostels Aren’t Hostile

• Log

Evora is a beautiful baroque and rococo (hoorah!) walled city, reminding me of something out of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, not least because the town was full of old people who all knew each other, and perhaps because I couldn’t see any children. Indeed many residents were hot contenders for the position of Child Catcher.

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Learn To Speak Portuguese

• observation

The most obvious sign of the conspiracy is the Portuguese language. Although the written word looks very much like Spanish the spoken word actually sounds like a cross between Arabic and Nordic. In other words they make it up as they go along. When the locals speak amongst themselves they are actually speaking Spanish, but whenever a tourist is present they break into a language that does not actually exist.

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It’s A Dog’s Life

• observation

Unlike their UK cousins who are pampered and spoilt and called Fifi or Derek, Portuguese dogs runs tings. They’ve got gangster names like Bullet Dodger Biffhead, Four Star Flash Killer and Cruel Cat-Chaser Crusher. They cruise the streets like they own the place, window shopping in town and congregating and plotting up in the valleys.

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Escape From The Toothless Hag

• Log

Over the next couple of days Mario would try to teach me Portuguese. Every time I repeated a word he would tell me I’d said it wrong. He’d repeat it again, this time sounding completely different. Every time he taught me a new word I never learned it as he corrected me over and over again, repeating the word with different emphasis each time.

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