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Horror Scopes by Krystal Balls
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Alpharius Try to reach out to someone.
Bravio I was right about the wind, but that was nothing compared to what’s coming.
Charlius Need I say more?.
Deltacorn At least wear something to cover that!
Echorius Welcome back, did you have a nice trip?
Foxtrotus Get involved, don’t hold back this is your year for fame and fortune!
Golfo OI! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PSYCHO?
Hotelsius Well done on the arm wrestling, next time pick on a grown-up!
Indies Keep low this year. No one knows what you did. Except us.
Juliettra Thank you for all your articles, I hope you’re happy with your contribution to the publication.
Limacorn I hope the batteries came |
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with it.
Mikeces There is a spy on your pontoon, shred your garbage before you take it to the bins.
Novemberus Keep up the hard work. Maybe, in time, you can join the rest of the human race. Pick a role model and take advice from wherever you can.
Oscra Last week we said you were great, what happened? You’ve let me down. You must try harder this time
Papacorn Invite a fellow Papacornian in for a cup of tequila and start a fight..
Hardus Still cold, isn't it?
Netselarius Why not get an agent and stop sitting in the dark handling yourself?
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11th January 2008 |
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portholenews@gmail.com |
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Send in your letter to Dottie and win a sailing holiday afloat in a marina for the winter in a boat of our choice, or a bottle of wine. The best letters will be published in the next issue along with Dottie’s reply. |
Dear Dottie |
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Dear Dottie, Did you know that the fear of the number 666 is known as hexakosioihexekontahexaphbia? Dottie replies: Yes I did! Dear Dottie, What is the record number of days for reusing xmas turkey as curry, salad etc.? Dottie replies: In 1972, Cosmo Nostril of Liverpool cooked a 714 kg turkey and still has a drumstick to go. Dear Dottie, Who won the new years day tug-of-war held on the beach at Flanders pontoon? Dottie says: The competition was won by 27 women who ganged up on the 6 members of Hotel pontoon. Dear Dottie, I was asked, on New Year’s Eve, to lend my stockings to a Marina Sister. When they were returned the gusset was missing. Can I sue someone? Dottie replies: If you can find the evidence I can help you make a case. Dear Dottie, Why am I not allowed to be ill at the same time as my husband? Dottie replies: Read the rules, bitch. Dear Dottie, I heard in ladies coughy mourning about Stars In Their Eyes. What is it and when? Dottie replies: Friday 18th of January at 9pm in the marina bar will be a live music tribute competition with audience voting. Dear Dottie, Why are men not invited to ladies’ coffee morning? Dottie replies: If the men were there we’d have nothing to talk about.
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Dear Dottie, Dottie replies: |
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Dunroamin’
A husband and wife had a human cannonball act in the circus. One day the wife ran off with the lion tamer. The husband was extremely dejected. The strong man asked him what he was going to do. The husband answered, ''This is a disaster. I don't know where I'm going to find another woman of her calibre.'' |
