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Dear Ed, Here are 5 tips to get the attention of the staff in the Yat Marine bar…..
1. Flick peanuts at them 2. Ring the ship’s bell 3. Sound foghorn 4. Set off distress flare 5. If all else fails, serve yourself John & Pearl, ‘Hydrus’ Jan, ‘Luturna’Dear Ed, |
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Page 5 |
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Poet’s Corner |
Letters to the Editor |
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This week I am going to tackle the so-called marina “entertainment” to which I seem to be increasingly subjected. I don't know about anyone else but I am sick and tired of this bally buffoonery.
Every time I escape to the bar for a quick pint at lunch time I have to endure endless rehearsals by 'so-called' musicians. All I can say is that it seems to involve rather too many beers and a lot of chord-crashing-out-of-tune singing. Who do these people think they are? Get back on your bally boats and stop inflicting this rubbish on me. A chap |
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has a right to enjoy his mid-day pint in peace. Friday nights used to be a time for quiet reflection on the week and an opportunity to toast the coming weekend. So what if I got a bit tight now and again? At least I didn't make an arse of myself. What is this carry-okey anyway? These people who think they can sing make me furious. 'My Way'? They do it their way all right, and a bally racket it is, I can tell you. Who on earth allowed the buffoons loose on Christmas Eve? They ran riot with their |
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unfathomable so-called 'review'. Half the time I couldn't make out what they were saying, then when I managed to penetrate the fog I appeared to be watching three men urinating. Why is that funny? New Year’s Eve plumbed new depths with grown men dressing up as the Andrews Sisters. Is nothing sacred?
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"...there is nothing -- absolutely nothing -- half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats....or with boats....In or out of 'em, it doesn't matter. Nothing seems really to matter, that's the charm of it. Whether you get away, or whether you don't; whether you arrive at your destination or whether you reach somewhere else, or whether you never get anywhere at all, you're always busy, and you never do anything in particular;
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Grumpy Old Salt |
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Dear Ed, I would like to know who you are. Is there some reason for you to hide behind this veil of anonymity? Are you on the run, did you do something you’re ashamed of? With my skills I am sure I could improve both the content of the paper and increase its circulation. From Dunroamin’ Ed says You start on Monday, good luck. |
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Can you tell me the names of three fish beginning and ending with the letter K? Ed says What? Answer 1. Killer Shark 2. Kwik Save Frozen Haddock 3. Kilmarnock.
Dear Ed, In the last letter the writer says that Kilmarnock is a fish. This is not so. Ed says Kilmarnock is a Plaice in Scotland. Dear Ed, I was sitting in the bar the other day discussing the origin of the gassy widget thing in my John Smiths beer. Can you tell me who invented it? Ed says See our article on page 7
Dear Ed, It’s good to see that The Porthole is going from strength to strength. The second edition is bigger, better and more packed with useful tips than the first one. I’m having trouble coping with the excitement of awaiting the next issue. R Slicker Ed says: Yes you are right.
Dear Ed, Can you please clarify the marina’s rules regarding which nationalities are permitted to do certain types of work in the marina. I noticed a German yottie being hauled over the coals after a complaint by a Turkish captain for getting a little dust in the air last week while a team of Turkish workers stripped a very large plastic boat with blow torches on the concrete. Both environmentally unsafe and potentially explosive. St. Ropey Guyser Ed says I cannot comment on that!
Dear Ed Is there a part of the marina bar where I can sit by myself and have a quiet drink, having first been served, without being coerced into joining in conversations about boats and their shortcomings? I go to the bar to escape the boat and it’s problems. Ed says No, that’s what the bar is for. Live with it.
Dear Ed, Currently I’m not in the marina. Will The Porthole be available online? Paul, ‘Cloud 9’ Ed says We’re working on it! We’ll keep you posted.
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11th January 2008 |