The Subwoofer Stories – Part 1

August was a quiet month aboard Esper. With Mum back in the UK and Dad festering away in a bar somewhere, I thought I’d dig up an old cartoon I put together a few years ago for your entertainment. With much help from my uncle Tim it depicts the story of when Dad installed his sound system whilst Mum left him to clean barnacles off the hull. I hope you like it – Millie xx

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Ricky Ticky Tavi

My Mum and Dad have been on at me for not writing anything since we left Turkey, but I’ve been busy, and they write so much there’s nothing left for me to write about. They even stole my favourite topic, FISH, and wrote about all their fishing successes. What they failed to mention, of course, is how I actually lure the fish to Esper with my witchy, feline, telepathic senses, so all their successes are really mine. Anyway, here are my initial impressions of India. Damn snakes.

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I Feel So Reel!

I was very disappointed to read some of the comments you lot made about my dad’s efforts to line-fish off the back of the boat. You have to remember that whilst they look small to you, they are in fact a complete meal for a cat like me, so when he starts getting so good he pulls in not one, not two but three fish, one after the other, you have to admire his success. My dad’s great, I love him!

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We’ll Keep the Boat Flag Flying Here

Is your burgee lower than your shabby courtesy flag, and are they both on the port side? Does your ensign fly freely all night and does your ‘Eng-er-land’ flag fly proudly? Oh my. What about your private signals, or shouldn’t I ask? Find out why the national flags of Libya and Nepal are unique with Millie’s vexillological treatise. She’s been doing a little research and come up with her own slant on flag etiquette. There’s a couple of new photos of her too, but you wouldn’t expect anything less.

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In The Summertime

I was glad to be back in Turkey, but the thing about Alanya is that it also doesn’t have any fish. It does have a marina with no boats in it and a few fairly scary feral cats. That didn’t bother me though. I still managed to trap myself inside the marina boss’s yacht and had a fight or two with the local moggies. I won.

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Nightswimming

The further east we travel the happier I am. It’s so much more “Turkish”, if you know what I mean, much less “Cowes à la Turk”. I have to agree with them, though, it is very hot here. All of us have become quite lethargic and have found it more and more difficult to get motivated. One night when we were anchored just outside Kas (pronounced “cash”) I decided to liven us all up a bit.

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You Wear It Well

I’d just like to add a quick hello to my new friend, Buster. It was lovely to hear from you, B. I really appreciate the lovely things you said about me. You may be a bit of an old codger these days, without any knackers, but I think that you are still extremely attractive.

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Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Eventually we stopped somewhere and I heard strangers banging around and talking. I made myself very small indeed and tried to hide. I didn’t know what to do. Inevitably someone found me, a very smiley, kind lady with red hair. But I didn’t know her; I wanted my Mum.

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Beaucoup Fish

FISH, now they are quite a different matter. Oh, just that word brings me out in goose pimples. F, I, S, H, fish. Tasty, fleshy, scaly, spiky, slimy, fresh, wriggling fish. Yummy, yum yum.

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Dreaming

Oh, all right. Between 10:00 and 18:30 you’ll only catch me awake when I eat and drink. There are a range of locations in the saloon, galley and nav area from which I silently move to and fro. Because they never see me get up and move my parents think I may be teleporting myself around Esper. Well, I’ll let you into a secret…

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That’s Entertainment

Usually I start by hurling myself at the bimini, making plenty of noise; this makes those of a nervous disposition jump from the shock. Then I proceed to make interesting silhouettes for all to see. My favourites are: “cat as rabbit”…

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Reasons To Be Cheerful

The most recent lot to visit were Marcus and Rachel. They were lovely. I think they are part cat. They played with me all the time. They loved me. I loved them. They gave me gifts – Mr Cat, Mr Mouse and Bee. Rachel was really brave because, like me, I could tell that she didn’t really want to go in the sea.

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Start Me Up

I am still cock-a-hoop about having the whole boat to myself and the total attention of both of my parents all of the time. It’s great. They can be a bit over-protective sometimes though and seem to think that I’ll fall overboard at any second… pur-lease, I am a salty-sea-cat these days and I know what’s what.

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